Monday, March 20, 2006

Warning! This Post Contain Sexually Explicity Language

There, that should get your attention (and, Hi Mom! Consider yourself warned.)

I've developed a new theory on why racism exists. It's rather simple, and I'm almost positive that it can be applied to almost any situation you care to name.

Here it is: (drum roll, please)

Racism is All About Sex

Specifically, it's about male sexual jealousy. Seriously. How many racist women do you know? Not many. Racist guys? Way more.

Enough with the empty theorising. On to the case studies:

Case Study 1:

Take North American racism. The biggest divide there is between white men and black men (notice I say 'men', not 'people': this is important.) Usually it's the white guys who hate the black guys ... when it's the other way around, it's usually because you're not likely to be too fond of someone who hates you. And why? Well, black men are widely reputed to have bigger, erm, organs than their caucasian counterparts. Whether this is true I don't know, but it's certainly the perception. So, white guys - all insecure about their endowments relative to black guys - find a bunch of reasons, mostly bullshit, about why black people are bad. But what it comes down to is that they're worried that their women will leave them, because 'once you go black, you never go back.'

Am I saying all white males are racist asshole? No. But the ones who are, are racist because they're insecure about their own sexual access to women.

Case Study 2:

Not that all situations are simply a case of penis envy. Take another example of racism in the world: the Muslim hatred of anyone who Isn't Them. Now, I'm not aware that there's any substantial difference between arabs, persians, etc and other ethnicities. But in this case, I don't think that's important. What I think matters is that, by and large, Muslims treat their women like dog-poo. Especially the Arabs (who, coincidentally, are also the most violently prejudiced.) Now, whatever culture you're raised in, you're unlikely to like this state of affairs if you're, y'know, female. Especially when you hop on the net and hear all these rumors about western women getting treated to romantic dinners, getting foot massages, being blessed with partners who actually think it's important to go to all the effort needed to give them multiple orgasms, etc and ad naseum. Hell, it's gotten to the point for a lot of these sorry cultures that the only way the men can keep their women from running away for someone, anyone, so long as it isn't them, is on threat of death.

So I would posit that Arab men feel just the teensiest bit envious of the way women everywhere seem to actually like Western guys, and as a consequence go around blowing stuff up if said stuff happens to belong to Western guys. Not that they'll ever admit that. Nope, jihad's all about destroying decadent evil Great Satan western culture ... hey wait, all that decadence seems to have a lot to do with the fact that WE'RE NOT SCARED OF SEX! My theory's testable prediction is thus that Arabs won't stop making jackasses of themselves on the great stage of History until they start treating their women like human beings.

Case Study 3

Let's bring this rant around to something I have a little personal experience of: namely, Japan. Now, anyone who tells you that Japan isn't a racist country has either never been here or is taking the piss. The Japanese people are openly, innocently, and uncomplicatingly prejudiced against anyone who isn't them. Political correctness has no toe-hold here, which is one of the things I love about this country.

Anyhow, I noticed people staring at me very soon after I got here. Most of the time, it's just curiosity, which is understandable. It's not like this island is crawling with non-Japanese, after all. But, sometimes, I get stared at with something more than just frank, 'wow, look at the gaijin!' Something more along the lines of, 'if I thought I could get away with it I would disembowel you.'

Such stares very rarely issue from women. In fact, they almost come from Oji-san (that's Japanese for 'old man'.) And at first I thought, hey, so what? A lot of these codgers spent their youth trying to kill people who looked like me. So a bit of residual hostility is only to be expected.

But I noticed something recently (which is what got me to thinking about the origins of racism in the first place.) Whenever I'm walking around with my girlfriend, the hostile stares - once again, mostly Oji-san, though I already knew he didn't like me, but also sometimes from younger guys - multiply about 10-fold. From which I drew the conclusion that, alone, I'm just a dirty foreigner, but as the uglier half of a couple, I'm a dirty foreigner who's taking a woman that rightfully belongs to some random Japanese guy and, what's worse, potentially polluting the gene pool.

Evidentally, then, there is - at least among a subset of the older, male Japanese population - a certain degree of anxiety and insecurity regarding us gaijin. Why, then? Well, two reasons spring to mind, and it's kind of a combination of 1 and 2. First, the standard Japanese is endowment is reputed be somewhat less than the Caucasian allotment (and trust me, I haven't been at pains to investigate, which is why I say 'reputed'.) And second, Japan remains more traditional in many ways than Western culture (okay, so everyone's more traditional than us, but still) and Japanese women supposedly don't get quite the same level of doting affection from their boyfriends and husbands that their Western counterparts are accustomed to.

Now, how much truth is there to this? To be honest, I can't say from direct experience, but I can infer at least one conclusion, based solely on the fact that the hostility emanates almost exclusively from Oji-san: which is to say, that the sexual and romantic practices of the current generation is far more similar to Western norms than is the case for the older generation; that younger Japanese women are more satisfied with their partners as a result; and that, consequently, younger Japanese men are not nearly as threatened by Westerners as older ones are.

The wider lesson in all this? Well, the theory I would essentially make is that, of the two subsets of racism (that due to penis envy, and that due to men treating women like dog-poo), it's the second that is far more serious. After all, while the first still applies in Japan, the second largely doesn't, and as a result racism - at least of the I-hate-you-because-you're-not-me variety - has largely disappeared.


At 8:02 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You really do run off at the mouth, don't you? Perhaps you think too much about sex, yourself. However, I do tend to agree with you that basically for men, just about everything comes down to either sex or food! As one comic said: Can I get sex out of this? No? I'm hungry. Love you, Mom

At 7:52 PM, Blogger Matt said...

where did you learn a joke like that?


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